May there be rainbows…

A few weeks ago, I dedicated my post to all the mamas who’ve lost. This week I dedicate this post to the rainbows and storms. Because without the storm, there can be no rainbow. I’m grateful for both. October is National Pregnancy and Infant Loss Month. I find it extremely fitting that October is the chosen month for remembering. October is both the month that I had my miscarriage and the month that I was given my rainbow. Yesterday, October 15th was National Pregnancy and Infant Loss Day. Today, October 16th is my rainbow’s birthday.

The rainbow.

This is my rainbow baby. Colorful and full of light. She is the oldest child. Independent. Nurturing. A born leader. I remember this picture and exactly the feelings I had when it was taken. Full of gratitude and bursting with love. ⠀

The storm.

Almost exactly a year prior, I had felt that same love and excitement. This little peanut right here is the first in her sibling birth order, but was not my first pregnancy. We had been married a year and were so happy to be pregnant. The only thing I can really ever consistently remember wanting to be when I grew up was a mom. My dream was coming true, and I was in love with the baby and the dreams of our future together. ⠀

But just as quickly as it had all happened, it ended. I was devastated. Where was I to put all that love? That sweet baby was mine and cherished. We never got to have the moments I had imagined. There was no first bath or steps. No memories to hold on to but a picture of a sonogram and an old pregnancy test. No physical time here on earth, but so much love for the one I never knew. ⠀

The storm was fierce and real, but the rainbow was bright and magical.⠀

For every mama who’s lost a baby or a child in any capacity, I’m so sorry for your pain. ⠀

For the mamas who’ve been given their rainbow, I rejoice with you in this amazing gift.⠀

For the mamas still waiting, I stand firm in faith that your rainbow is coming.

If you’d like to read more about pregnancy and infant loss, check out this post.